April 1999     

Last Dance Congratulations, Erich Pedestrian Safety NALSA SABER Graduation Pledge Seven-Year Reflection Small Claims and Cinnamon Rolls Church of the Earth Y2K Nuclear Threat Tribal Members Speak INS Are Thought Police In re Robin E. LOVE, Debtor Selected Crime Beat Reports Living Large: Downtown Haiku Variations The Light William Stafford perspective Spring Wave Poetry Notes

April 12, 1999

At about 4:40 p.m. a student twisted her knee while dancing. She was treated at the scene.
Yep, she'll be cross-country ballroom dancing in no time.

At about 5:40 p.m. a pan of burning butter set off the fire alarm in Platt. There were no injuries or damage.
So much for "I Can't Believe It's Not Flammable."

Several pans were stolen from the Bon.
So, it's no longer Bon Appétit; it's now just the Bon. Très chic for "prison food."

April 13, 1999

At about 4:20 p.m. a student car caught fire in the Akin parking lot. It, and the car next to it, suffered damage. Students and Campus Safety attempted to extinguish the fire with fire extinguishers. The Portland Fire Department succeeded in extinguishing the fire shortly after their arrival.
The students were attempting to melt butter in the back seat.

At about 7:00 p.m. Campus Safety responded to a report of a marijuana smell in Platt. Upon arriving at the room from which the smell eminated, a bong, a glass pipe, several bottles of alcohol and a baggy of marijuana were confiscated.
Of course, they had probable cause, a warrant sworn out before a magistrate, law enforcement authority . . . no, wait, this is college security. Never mind.

April 14, 1999

At about 12:15 p.m. a staff member, walking on Brugger Street, twisted her ankle. She was transported to the Health Center for examination.
I thought this was "Crime Beat," not "Slip and Fall Beat." I fail to see the significance of a twisted ankle on the overall livability of campus.

April 15, 1999

At about 3:30 p.m. a student, walking across the lawn in front of Bodine, stepped on a piece of glass and cut his foot. He was referred to the Health Center.
So what? Are they hunting down the perpetrator who left the glass on the lawn, re-posting the "don't walk on the grass" signs, improving facilities maintenance, or just reporting it and hoping it doesn't happen again?

A student vehicle, parked in the lower law parking lot, behind the law library, was burglarized. The passenger side window was smashed and the stereo and speakers were stolen.
Finally, a crime. The perpetrators were probably trying to find some quick cash in order to pay off their tax debt. Of course, under the Internal Revenue Code, Section 61, they will have to report the ill-gotten loot as income. Somehow I doubt it.

April 16, 1999

At about 10:39 p.m. students scattered from Campus Safety officers patrolling lower campus. A beer keg was left behind. The keg was confiscated and taken to the Campus Safety office where it was later stolen by unknown persons after they broke a rear window and entered the Campus Safety office.
Proving the old adage "Never get between students and their beer."

April 17, 1999

At about 12:30 a.m. Campus Safety responded to a loud noise in Hartzfeld whereupon several bottles of alcohol were confiscated from an underage student.
They probably left that at the Campus Safety office, too. What a precedent: if you want some pot or alcohol, they keep all the confiscated stuff at Campus Safety.

At about 12:47 a.m. alcohol was confiscated from a room in Alder after Campus Safety responded to a noise complaint.
This just goes to show that Lewis and Clark is filled with loud drunks.

At about 9:45 a.m. three chairs, property of Lewis & Clark, were found smashed on the patio outside the Plattform.
The chairs were rushed to OHSU.

At about 8:30 p.m. Campus Safety officers confiscated a bong from students near the outdoor tennis court.
Correction: loud, stoned drunks.

April 18, 1999

At about 10:47 p.m. a student became violently ill and was transported to OHSU by ambulance.
After a wild night of smoking pot, drinking myself stupid, and smashing furniture, I'd be violently ill too.