PIOLOG MAILBOX

Peace and love, not war

Can someone please explain to me why the US should invade Iraq?

“Just because the president says so” does NOT hold up for me. Not only does the UN disapprove of this war, but an even higher power is demanding peace.

I am proud to proclaim that as a Christian and follower of the Prince of Peace, I am by definition a pacifist. I serve G*d before any country, and the will of God on this matter is clear. Even the Pope opposes the further destruction of G*d’s creation caused by war.

The Bible itself clearly states that followers of Jesus must take radical action to bring about peace and justice for all people. As the bumper sticker says, “When Jesus said ‘Love your enemies,’ He probably didn’t mean kill them.”

Despite fear of harassment from the negative conservative forces active across campus, I invite the reason-minded hawks out there to drop a letter in my mailbox (663) explaining why they support this war and, if the war is going to happen whether peace lovers like it or not, why do hawks care so much that doves are protesting it?

Some war lovers have claimed that holding peace marches and having opinions against war offend them, ignoring all the people who want peace BECAUSE they love America, all the people who want peace because they don’t want their family members in the Army to be killed, and all the veterans who don’t want their children and grandchildren to have to fight in another war.

Please realize that it is offensive to me that the president wants to act like G*d and take away human life for whatever excuse he creates. Naturally, Christians are offended that the US government wants to bomb other people of the Book, in a country that houses so many Biblical places.

Please realize, too, how offensive it is when hawks in the media, in the government, or on this campus want to take away my freedom to practice my religion by working for peace. They may have no moral codes to live by, but Christianity is not the only religion or philosophy that calls its believers to oppose war, and we all must be respected.

I believe that we should be ready to sacrifice for some things, but as a Christian I will not sacrifice my, my friend’s, or my enemy’s life, in opposition to G*d’s will. Thank you.

- Audrey DeCoursey

Proposed bylaws are a cause for concern

I am concerned about the new bylaw changes proposed by Executive Council for the March 17-18 election. I am adamantly opposed to these bylaw changes because I believe they do not benefit students. My reasons are as follows:

The new bylaws leave only 40% of the budget for students groups, approximately 2.5% or $9,000 less than is currently awarded to them. Executive Council, which under the new bylaws will now hold 3/5 or 60% of fees, will have no check on its budgeting decision short of the vote of one Executive Council member over another.

Two problems arise from this: first, unlike CBC, in cases where Council deadlocks, the new Bylaws do not force a budgetary decision. Thus, the money would remain unallocated. The result is no better if a friendly Council is in office – while the budgetary decisions would be made, they would reflect the opinions of Executive Council and not necessarily those of the student body.

Under the new bylaws, SOFA will actually receive a smaller budget. This smaller budget will greatly impact SOFA’s ability to book large events such as the Speaker Series with Michael Moore and Ralph Nader.

Additionally, SOFA will also function as a funding board, where their own programming budget will be hamstrung by increased demands from student groups. After spending the initial budget, every SOFA decision to provide resources for a student group would require a budgeting decision from Council.

The Charter and Budget Committee is created by the VP of Student Organizations and carefully features a cross section of students based on group involvement, class, residence, and gender to create a board which reflects the general interests of the student body.

These students are approved by Executive Council before CBC begins budgeting. Nothing in the General Elections procedure guarantees those that run for office, much less get elected, will reflect such a diverse interest group.

Due to the increased number of budgeting boards (Executive Council, CBC, GAB, SAAB (now funding Symposia) and SOFA) and the varied goals assigned in new bylaws, the budgeting process will become less transparent, making difficult for the average student to discern who has the money applicable to his/her wants and needs.

The function of Executive Council is to act as a student government, as a voice for the “associated students” as a whole—not as a budgeting board. The new bylaws refocus the original intent of our student government on money. Executive Council already has a great deal of responsibility without needing to hold budgeting meetings weekly.

The new bylaws create more bureaucracy and less transparency, exactly what students DO NOT NEED. I urge you to vote NO on these bylaw changes.

- Diana Wiener

Are you there, God? It's me, James

by James Christie

The Lewis & Clark website has a monthly feature on it called "Student Spotlight." The feature has an interview of an exceptional or ethnic LC student on it for prospective students to read. The purpose of these interviews is to impress the prospective student with how exceptional or non-white the LC student in the interview just happens to be.

In theory the prospective student should think while reading the Student Spotlight interview, "Wow, look at all the amazing things Jonas Lerman or Julian Dautremont-Smith have done while attending LC. I bet if I attended LC I too could be amazing. Plus LC has minority students! If I attend LC I'll get to experience racial diversity unlike when I was growing up in upper-middle class suburbia. That's odd, they have all these minority students on their website and brochures, but I didn't see any when I visited the campus. Not only that but all the pictures on the website and brochures were taken when it was sunny but the time I visited it was raining the whole time. Maybe LC isn't the sunny racial diverse wonderland that the brochures and website portray it to be."

This month features phenomenal LC student Jonas Lerman, the tall skinny folk-music-playing guy that a lot of girls have crushes on since his mamby-pamby folk music turns them on or something.

This, of course, bothers me since I'm just as much of a "campus-personality" as Jonas yet NO ONE has a crush on me. What gives? What do I have to do to get a bunch of my female peers enamored with me as so many of them are with Jonas? Do I have to start playing poignantly beautiful guitar music? Isn't writing this humor column every week good enough for them? Apparently it isn't. Apparently I have to learn how to play the guitar or do whatever else Jonas does that makes women love him so much before they can become obsessed with me.

Gosh darn, LC girls.

Curse you God! Curse you for making LC women blind to how much a fine piece of prime rib I am while they would just love to tap Jonas Lerman's behind!

Of course, this week's column isn't about Jonas Lerman and all the LC women who want to sexually devour him (while they ought to want to sexually devour me!). It's about the "Student Spotlight" on the LC website and how I, James "da' Lewis & Clark pimp" Christie should be featured on it.

Who do you first think of when you try to imagine the Lewis & Clark student who would best convey to prospective students how great and racially diverse Lewis & Clark is? Obviously you think of me, James "supa' fly" Christie.

In fact, I became so determined that the number of LC applicants would sky rocket if I was featured on "Student Spotlight" that I spent the last three weeks calling Kari Chisholm, the person responsible for the features, trying to get him to make me next month's "Student Spotlight." During these past three weeks I've been leaving thousands of voicemails on his answering machine such as,

"Hi Kari, it's me, James Christie, again. Look, I know it's three in the morning and I'm sorry for calling you for 78th time tonight, but I just wanted to make sure you knew, as I've told you millions of times before, that you interviewing me and putting me up as next month's 'Student Spotlight' would really boost up the number of applicants to LC. What perspective student wouldn't want to go to LC after reading about how they could have a weekly humor column in the student newspaper just like me? You could really emphasize how all my columns last semester had at least one reference to female oral sex in them. Only the most prestigious of liberal arts colleges have a weekly humor columnist that can have in every column of a semester a reference to the most wonderful and beautiful of things that a man can do for a woman. Oh yeah, Kari, one other thing. I bet you're probably wondering why that cute adorable puppy of yours disappeared from your backyard two days ago. Well let's just say that the same thing that Glenn Close did to Michael Douglas' rabbit in 'Fatal Attraction' is going to happen to your puppy unless I'm in next month's 'Student Spotlight'. Has anyone ever told you that your puppy would fit perfectly in a boiler? Well, have a nice day."

I immediately got a call from Kari after I left this message. Coming this April I'm going to be in Lewis & Clark's Student Spotlight. He even was kind enough to allow me to preview a few of my answers in this week's column.

Q: What are your favorite places in Portland?

A: Portland? What's Portland? Oh it's that major metropolitan city that LC is so close to. Yeah, I really don't ever leave campus, let alone my room, although I'd love to tell you favorite place on campus. It's this ditch of stagnant rainwater that has collected at the bottom of the ravine. I often go there in order to cry while suffering from the typical melancholy that afflicts LC students. You want to know something that's funny? I was never depressed before I came to LC but coming to this school somehow brought this unbearable darkness into my heart. This has also happened to a lot of my friends here at LC. I don't know what it is about this place but all the students here endure a constant case of gut wrenching emotional turmoil. I really do feel sorry for any prospective student who's foolish enough to embrace this despair by attending college here.

Q: How do you spend your free time?

A: Smoking crack and shooting smack. Actually that's what I'd be doing if I had gotten into Reed. I never have any free time since I'm never free from this shadow that has cast over my heart since stepping foot onto LC's campus.

Q: What's your advice for choosing a college?

A: If you want to enjoy your next four years at college, don't attend LC. Only darkness awaits you here. I mean this both metaphorically and figuratively. You know all those pictures of LC in the admissions literature that were taken on sunny days? Well, let's just say that depicting LC as a sunny place is a bit of an exaggeration. They really ought to build a sign over all the entrances on campus that reads, "Lasciate Ogni Speranza Voi Ch'entrate!" Translated from 14th century Italian, this reads, "Abandon all hope, you who enter!" and according to Dante it was what all the damned souls read on an inscription as they entered hell. I've yet to decide which place is worse: Dante's Hell or Lewis & Clark College.